What do you do when you get to this point? The road had been straight and obvious for so long but here you are, suddenly presented with only two options - left or right. No matter how much you want to keep walking along the straight road, you can't; it no longer exists. So there you are. On the sign pointing left, it says "break-up" and on the sign pointing right it says, "get married". It seems that there is beautiful scenery in both directions and from this vantage point, the difference in the roads is negligible. Yet, the sun is bearing down and the only way to continue to progress is to choose right or left and then to keep walking towards your destination - towards food, shelter, friends and the life that lives down that path, and so you choose.
So here I am, looking at the sign. Left or Right?
The tricky part is that it's not my choose alone. There are two of us looking trepidatiously in the each direction. Yesterday, I determined it was time to have a talk with Seth again, but this time I needed to be serious about it being time to make a decision. There are some factors that have pushed me to the point of decision making: 1) I don't feel like I am progressing anymore or that I can progress much more in our current situation; 2) I am getting angry too frequently because of the fact that we haven't made a decision. I get upset when I have to go home at night and I get upset when I fall asleep when I shouldn't; 3) Affection is losing its effect because I feel like I must be so restrained so that we stay within the lines. So I'd rather have no affection which is a big issue for two people who are both very affectionate; 4) I want to move on with the next stage of my life. I want to and am ready to build a life with someone. I want to start my own family and let's be honest, I'm not getting any younger and don't have that much longer to have kids. So with all os those things weighing down on me and considering that we've had ample time to get to know each other, it just has to be time.
I believe that Heavenly Father wants us to be able to make a decision and I believe that at this point, He will help us because I'm sure that He also wants us to get on with our lives. So it's a matter of searching, asking, and listening. I think it was a really conversation where I didn't get overly emotional and I feel like Seth really understood where I was coming from and perhaps for the first time, he grasped that it's time - for real this time. And it's scary. As he said, I'm just so sweet and wonderful and he hates the thought of not being with me and of letting me go.
He's going to think about what he can do to get an answer. This morning, after thinking through the night, the first thing he determined was to be brave - brave enough to fave letting me go so that he can also be open to direction to move forward towards marriage. Hopefully, within the next week or so, we can set a deadline and really move things toward a path.
Left or Right?
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